Realizations
by futurecullen05
Summary: This is a story set after NM when Bella chooses Edward and leaves Jacob behind her house.
1. Need You Now

I was moping….there wasn't any other way to put it. I hadn't phased in a week, I wasn't ready to face the pity of the pack. I hadn't even left my room, only to get something to eat. I avoided anything that reminded me of her: her smile, smell, laugh, anything that ripped a hole in my chest again. Billy stopped knocking a few days ago saying he would let me heal in peace.

It had been almost two weeks since Bella left me in that forest, walking away with that filthy bloodsucker she loved so much. All he had to do was waltz back into her life after leaving her for dead and she jumped right back into his arms. I had been around the whole time, picked her up and put her back together piece by piece but that wasn't enough. The sick part was I put her back together in just enough time for him to come back and get a whole Bella back again. Who knows how long it will be before he breaks her again, and she will probably come back to her favorite surgeon to fix her up. The thing that's worse than that, I'll take her back because I can't live without her.

**Another week passes…..**

I finally emerged back into the world, my door opened with a creak and I stumbled out into the sunlight of our living room. Billy was sitting at the kitchen table and didn't take any notice to me, probably assuming I was just coming for something to eat and would hole myself back up in my room to wallow some more. But I had finally come to terms with the situation. I wasn't enough for her, she wanted something I couldn't be.

"Hey Dad I think I'm going to go for a run. I'll be back later." He looked surprised but smiled and nodded in my direction. "Have a good one Jake." With that I left the house. I sucked in a huge breath of air the minute I was out the door, I hadn't noticed how stale the air was in my room until this moment. I phased and began to run loving how my muscles immediately responded. I immediately began to think 'I don't want to talk or have company, please let me run in peace.' I could feel the other wolves nod in agreement and give me my distance. I needed to run this out of my system even if it meant running until I couldn't move any longer. I ended up running to a small town in the north. I didn't even know the name of it but I was exhausted and feeling much better. I phased, put my shorts on and walked into a local diner. I was famished. As I walked into the door I heard my worst nightmare, music. I now understood why Bella didn't want to listen to music after the leech left her, it made you think of too many things.

I couldn't turn the music off and the song had me hooked on the first line so I sat outside listening and letting my memories pull me back into the dark oblivion I had just run to escape.

**"Need You Now" Lady Antebellum**

**Picture perfect memories, **

**Scattered all around the floor. **

**Reaching for the phone cause, **

**I can't fight it any more. **

**And I wonder if I ever cross your mind. **

**For me it happens all the time. **

She had me convinced that she loved me the whole time we were together. I knew she needed more time to allow the leech's hold to release from her but I always thought she would come around, that she loved me the way I loved her. As I sat and listened to the music, I wondered if she ever thought of me. It couldn't possibly be as much as I thought of her but I hoped at least I occupied a small part of her brain…..and heart.

**It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now. **

**Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now. **

**And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now. **

She was the only thing in my life that made sense. This werewolf thing was easier to accept when she was by my side, not afraid or repulsed by what I was. How could I have let her slip out of my grasp? I need to hear her voice again, her laugh even if it will shred my insides all over again.

**Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door. **

**Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before. **

**And I wonder if I ever cross your mind. **

**For me it happens all the time.**

My house seems like an empty shell without her smiling face coming through the door. Just the way she would come in with light in her eyes and color in her cheeks, it made me fall in love with her over and over again.

**It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk, **

**And I need you now. **

**Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now. **

**And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now. **

I need to see her now. I don't care if the bloodsucker is around, I need to convince her I am where her life was…is supposed to take her. She belongs with me, I'm her natural path not that lifeless excuse of a man. I can't let her go.

**Yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all. **

**It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now. **

**And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now. And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now. **

**I just need you now. **

**Oh baby I need you now.**

This pain is the only thing I have left to tell me our time was real. If only I could get her to see we are a natural fit, soul mates. I have to try.

With that I took off into the night, phasing and running as fast as I could. I arrived at her house and saw there was no light on. I jumped up the tree and went through the window in a flash. When I landed softly on the floor and turned toward her bed, I noticed…..she wasn't there. Where could she be? It was well after midnight. She must be out with that bloodsucker. I have to find her……my heart depends on it.


	2. Racing Thoughts

This is what happened with Edward and Bella after the encounter with Jacob. It takes place after the fight by the house and then shows what Edward and Bella were going through while Jacob was mourning. I own nothing in these stories-just my plotline.

* * *

Edward grabbed my hand and walked me back to the house. My heart was tearing in two and half left with the russet brown wolf. I couldn't see through the tears I was crying for my Jacob, the Jacob I had used, crushed, and thrown aside for Edward. Edward held me in his arms on the porch, allowing me to cry as hard as I needed to. I didn't think the world would ever be straight again.

I finally settled down and Edward looked at me with sorrowful eyes, "I hate seeing you in pain Bella but Jacob just wasn't good for you. He was too dangerous to be around. I am here now and I will protect you with every part of me." Normally I would have found comfort in these words but now I felt confined within the boundaries Edward had for me. Too week to fight back I just nodded and walked into to my house. Something didn't feel right now, even when Edward carried me up the stairs and held my hand, it was too cold, too hard. I missed how Jake's hand molded to mine and warmed me to my very core.

I pushed the feeling deep inside and tried to enjoy having my true love back. We spent the next week together in secret, knowing well enough Charlie would kill Edward if he knew he was back and with me. One night we were in my room while Charlie was working late. As it had been since that horrible day, my brain was racing with thoughts of Edward and Jacob.

Had I made a mistake? Did I choose wrong and doom myself to a half life? I knew I still loved Edward but Jake had changed that love, he warmed it with his smile and laughter, he made it his own. I shook my head to clear my thoughts, it must have just been the loss that was making me think this way. Edward was my one and only, always had been always will be. So why then did my stomach turn at the thought of forever…..?

"Want to tell me what is on your mind?" Edward asked me while lying next to me on my bed. I praised God again for allowing my brain to be the only one Edward couldn't read, my thoughts would crush him. I couldn't tell him the truth but I was such a terrible liar. "I miss your family, I was thinking how nice it would be to see them again." He seemed to buy it or just pretended along with my game. In an instant he picked me up and we were in his car and headed down that familiar wooded path.


	3. If You Only Knew

Edward was over-joyed to have me back in his home, I could tell by how he was glowing and touching me. He never could keep his hands off of me but now it was a bit over the top. I felt claustrophobic in his grasp but knew it would deepen his suspicion if I pulled away. It was great to see the Cullen's again, each one of them excited to see me except for Rosalie but I expected as much. When Alice hugged me I could tell she was confused by something.

"Edward do you mind if I borrow Bella for a bit. We have a lot of catching up to do. Great!" With that Alice dragged me off into her room. She immediately turned and gave me her sharpest look, "Want to tell me why I keep having visions of you disappearing and reappearing? What are you thinking about?"

I figured Alice would see my future this way as I was constantly thinking about a future with Edward and Jake. "I am just thinking I guess. I really hurt Jacob and I am thinking about if I will ever see him again." It was as if the Cullen's didn't want to upset me because Alice let my obvious lie go without an argument. "Well we're just happy to have you and Edward back, he wasn't the same without you." There was a quiet knock on the door. It was Edward and he had come to take me to his room. It was already dark so I called and told Charlie I was at Angela's place. He wasn't ready for the idea of Edward yet. Just to be safe, I called and asked Angela to cover for me.

We curled up on Edward's couch, my head in his lap with him absentmindedly stroking my hair. We were both deep in though but didn't want to ask the other about what. Finally Edward broke the silence with some music. It was one of the first times I had listened to music since he had left me. Instantly I remembered why I had stopped listening to music, the song playing came on and directed my thoughts instantly to Jacob.

**"If you only knew" by Shinedown**

**If you only knew, **

**I'm hanging by a thread, **

**The web I spin for you. **

**If you only knew, **

**I'd sacrifice my beating heart **

**Before I'd lose you. **

I used to be consumed with the thought of becoming a vampire so I wouldn't lose Edward but now that thought seemed to be repulsive and…….wrong. If I lost my heart, I would lose Jacob. It seems now that I already lost my heart but only because I lost Jacob, where they one in the same? But I love Edward…..

**I still hold onto the letters you returned. **

**I swear I've lived and learned. **

**It's 4:03 and I can't sleep, **

**Without you next to me, **

**I toss and turn like the sea. **

**If I drown tonight bring me back to life. **

**Breathe your breath in me. **

**The only thing that I still believe in is you, **

**If you only knew **

Edward left me yet I took him back without a second thought. Here I am lying in his arms as if he never broke me. He wasn't here to put me back together yet the person who stuck with me when I was left for dead I cast aside. He saved me twice, once from a broken soul and second from drowning. What am I doing?

**If you only knew **

**How many times I counted all the words that went wrong **

**If you only knew **

**How I refuse to let you go even when you're gone **

Even now when I cast him aside, my thoughts are consumed with Jacob. How did I miss this one up? I let my sun go and now all I saw in front of me was an eternity of cold sunless days.

**I don't regret any days I spent, **

**Nights we shared, **

**Or letters that I sent. **

**It's 4:03 and I can't sleep, **

**Without you next to me, **

**I toss and turn like the sea. **

**If I drown tonight bring me back to life. **

**Breathe your breath in me. **

**The only thing that I still believe in is you, **

**If you only knew. **

**If you only knew. **

I felt a tearing across my chest. The hole that Edward had made tore open again but this time it was much worse. It wasn't only where my heart was but where everything was. I wrapped my arms around me to try to hold myself together. Only then did I remember Edward who was watching me with frightened eyes, he had never seen me hold myself together before. He had left me with the hole, but this one was my making. I couldn't hold the pieces together this time.

**I still hold onto the letters you returned **

**You help me live and learn **

**It's 4:03 and I can't sleep, **

**Without you next to me, **

**I toss and turn like the sea. **

**If I drown tonight bring me back to life. **

**Breathe your breath in me. **

**The only thing that I still believe in is you, **

**Believe in is you, **

**I still believe in you. **

**Oh oh whoa oh **

**If you only knew **

I shifted in Edward's arms and sat up at eye level with him. My arms were still clutching my body together. He tried to unwind them but I had a firm grip, I couldn't let go otherwise I would split in two from the pain. I realized now what I needed and needed fast. There was only one thing that would heal this hole and he was far away.

"Bella what's wrong, are you sick? Relax." "No Edward. I….I'm breaking in two. I'm not a whole person anymore. I-" He cut me off, "Bella I'm so sorry. I know I am the one causing you this pain but I will never leave you again." He grabbed my face in his hands and leaned in to kiss me. I let out a breathe, this would do it. This would seal the hole. As he leaned in and kissed me, the hole screamed in agony. This was not the fire it wanted, ice would not quench this pain. I pulled away and fell to the floor writhing in pain.


	4. Hidden Truths

Edward quickly jumped to my side pulling me to him but I struggled to get away. He let me go and looked defeated.

"Edward, I don't know how to say this but……I think….i'm supposed to be with Jacob." His face fell into a sorrowful look I had never seen on him. "I knew yesterday that something was different but I thought you were just holding back for fear of getting hurt. That, _dog_, isn't good for you Bella." I cut him off with a scalding glare. "That DOG was the only person that stayed with me after you broke me. YOU BROKE ME!" I was fuming now, all the pain and anger from the past months came boiling to the surface. "You left ME! I wanted you forever but you couldn't stay. Even if it was a _lie_ as you say it was, you still left. I could never, NEVER have left you even if I thought you would be the safest person in the world without me around. That is how much I loved you. Jacob picked me up, each piece you shattered me into, and put me back together knowing I may never run quite right. And even when I told him I could only be friends with him, he still stayed even though it was painful for him loved me exactly how I was. If it weren't for him, I may have jumped off that cliff for real. How dare you say he isn't good for me, when you were the one who abandoned me. I finally realize that _you_ aren't good for me. I need to leave." "Bella....please, don't leave me." "You left first." With that I stormed out of his room and ran for the door.

Having heard the whole argument, the Cullen's sat in horror as I fled their house. The last thing I heard was Edward's scream of agony as I flew down the driveway. I got to La Push without even remembering the drive. I knocked frantically on the door to the Black's house. Hearing Billy rolling up to the door, I hoped I wasn't too late, that I hadn't broken Jacob for good.

"Bella? You're not welcome here." Billy had such a look of anger on his face, I couldn't breathe. "Billy before you kick me out, let me explain. I made a huge mistake. Huge doesn't even begin to explain it but I know now I belong with Jake, I belong here. Is he home?" Billy looked skeptical but finally saw in my face the truth I spoke. "He went for a run, I haven't seen him since he left. Bella, he was devastated. I don't know how he'll react to this but please be sure before you make this decision. He will not survive you leaving him again." I nodded my head, knowing I didn't have to prove myself to Billy. He allowed me inside and I sat on Jacob's bed and waited.


	5. I Love You Jacob Black

**Bella's POV**

I wasn't sure when I had fallen asleep but I awoke from a loud bang disoriented and unsure of where I was. I saw the small room with the too big bed and realized I was still at the Black's waiting for Jacob. The noise that had woken me up must have been their front door. I could hear muffled voices so I cracked the door a little to listen to what was going on.

"Son you're home. Where did you go?" Billy questioned his son, seeing the broken look in his eyes. "I ran up north a ways and then headed back home." Jacob sighed a heavy grief filled sigh. "I realized that I love Bella so I stopped by her place. But she was gone. It's midnight dad, and she isn't home. She's with that filthy bloodsucker. She really took him back. After what he did to her and how she was and she just lets him waltz back into her life. I picked up the pieces and put her back together and she just takes him back. I thought we would be happy together; I pictured our life together and it would have been great. I see now we weren't meant to be. I was trying to force together two people who weren't destined to be together. Where do I go from here? All I see is her, wherever I go it's her face and her voice. Dad I don't know what to do anymore."

"Well son I guess you have two choices. You can either keep trying and eventually change her mind or let her go. Either way I think you should walk into your room, sit down and think it through." Billy was trying to get Jacob to go into his room where he knew Bella was waiting. He knew his son would be over ecstatic and the two could finally start what they were meant to have.

"No dad you know what. I'm going to pick the latter. If I keep chasing her and trying to get her to change her mind, what does that say about me? It just makes me look like a pathetic kid. I won't be some private joke for the leeches or some pity case for Bella. I'm through. I think I just realized what would be the best for me is to never see Bella Swan again. Ever."

This cut through Bella's heart. She had ruined everything. She had gambled and lost both of the men she loved. She knew if Jacob found her in his room that he may lose his temper. Not wanting him to endanger his father or his house, she quietly slipped out the window. She moved as quietly as she could to her truck. The trouble was starting the truck up. Jacob would know the sound in an instant; she was surprised he didn't see it when he came home. She jumped into the cab and prepared to turn the truck on. She turned the key heard the engine roar to life and sped out of the driveway…or at least as fast as her truck could move.

**Meanwhile in the house…..**

Billy could see Jacob truly meant what he said. He hoped for Bella's sake that she hadn't heard a word Jacob said and he would be happy to see her in his room. What a mess these two had made. "Well Jake why don't you rest and think it through in the morning when you're good and fresh." "You're right dad. Good night." Billy waited for Jacob's excitement to see Bella in his room but never heard it. He wheeled over to Jacob's room where he saw only his son standing and sniffing the air.

Jacob slowly turned, "Dad why does my room smell like Bella?" Billy sighed, "Bella was here to talk to you but she must have heard what you had to say." Just then they both heard the familiar engine being started up and tires squealing on gravel. Jacob threw himself out his window and tore after the truck. He met Bella halfway down the road and jumped out in front of the truck.

Bella screamed and slammed on her breaks when she saw Jacob's silhouette in her headlights. Her truck came to a stop inches before hitting him.

"Get out of the truck Bella. What are you doing here?" Jacob had an incredible amount of anger in his voice but was keeping himself calmed it seemed. Bella stepped out of the truck. Tears were streaming down her face at the loss of Jacob she had felt in that house. The anger he had towards her wasn't hard to feel. Jacob stepped over her and looked down at her.

"Bella I said what are you doing here? Does your leech know you're here? Were you just checking to make sure I was still in one piece in case you needed me some day again when he leaves you?" Venom dripped off Jacob's words. Bella recoiled with every word.

"No Jacob I realized something tonight and I came over to tell you but it doesn't matter anymore. I'll just head home." She tried to get back into the truck but Jacob blocked her with an arm.

"What could be so important that you needed to come over here in the middle of the night? Did you forget a piece of me because you stomped all over them when you left me in the woods that day. How could you have just turned your back on me after all we'd been through. It must be nice for…._Edward_…to be able to come and go as he pleases. I guess if he ever gets bored of you he can leave knowing when he gets lonely you will let him right back into your life. I don't want you to ever come back here again you hear me? We're through Bella. The next time that leech leaves you and you can't breathe and you have to hold yourself together, I'm not going to be there to pick you up. I got burned once already and the scar will always remind me what a terrible idea you were. Now what was so important that you had to come all the way down here and tell me?"

Bella couldn't breathe, she had caused this angry evil being to take over her Jacob. It was her fault he was like this and she deserved every word of it. If only she hadn't realized that she loved him AFTER she ruined him and any chances she had with him. "Nothing," she mumbled. She weakly climbed back into the truck and Jacob slammed the door behind her. Her window was down and as she drove away she whispered the five words she had wanted to say to him that night…..

"I love you Jacob Black."

As Jacob walked back into the house he heard five little words drift from the truck…and it made him stop in his tracks.


	6. Shambles

I woke up and hoped it had all been a dream. I hoped that when I walked downstairs, Jacob or a message from him would be waiting and we would be hanging out today. The minute I opened my eyes I knew my dreams were just that….dreams. I had taken the two people I cared about most and shoved them away.

I pulled myself out of bed and got ready for school. After taking a shower, I headed downstairs to grab a bite to eat. I was not eager to go to school. He would be waiting for me and would want answers. I went over every possible scenario while eating my bowl of cereal. The cereal burned on the way down from how dry my throat was. I don't think I stopped crying for a minute last night.

"Bells you're up. Is everything all right? I thought I heard you crying last night. Did something happen with Edward?" "No Dad, it's something else. I don't really want to talk about it now. Can we talk when I get home?" "Sure Bella. How about I call and invite Billy and Jake over for supper?"

It was like a punch to the gut, I could barely breathe. When dad said his name it brought back the image of his face and what I had done to him. "I don't think that's such a great thing right now. I think Jake needs some time to himself." "Bella, you kids are being crazy. You were inseparable for almost a year and what now you can't be in the same room? It's because of Edward isn't it? Well Jake is a hell of a lot better than him. How can you throw that away for someone who left you without a word Bella? I thought I raised a smarter daughter than that." "Dad you have no idea what is going on so please just let me deal with it." I turned and stormed out of the house. I could barely drive to school I was crying so hard.

The minute I turned into the parking lot I could feel his eyes on me. This would be perfect, now he would see me breaking down and would probably rush to see what happened to me. I slowly stepped out of the truck and turned towards him. All I saw were the backs of the Cullen's walking into the school. Neither Alice nor Edward turned around; I know they saw me come in. I was thoroughly confused as I walked into my first class, surely Edward would be wondering what was wrong and if he had a chance with me.

I saw down in English and couldn't stop staring at Edward. I didn't know why it was bothering me so much that he didn't even care about me. I suppose I deserved that after what I did. By the time my brain shut off class was over. I headed to biology and found that Edward had traded seats with Mike Newton. Mike seemed very confused but seemed to assume it was because I didn't want to sit next to Edward not the other way around. After biology came lunch and the weirdness continued and everyone else noticed.

"Bella, what is going on? Cullen is back and it seems like you two want nothing to do with each other. Did something happen? I would have thought you two would have been jumping back into each other's arms." Mike looked at me waiting for an answer. "Well it's complicated Mike. Can we not talk about it?" The rest of the day went on just as weird as the morning. I was so groggy after History that I stumbled out of the classroom and ran right into…Edward.

"Oh I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…I'll go." I started to rush off but he grabbed my arm and pulled me into an empty classroom. "Bella…we need to talk." I couldn't look at him, he sounded like he was in so much pain. I looked up and he was standing right in front of me. "Bella, what's going on? Why are you so upset? I thought you would be all smiles today, didn't you get what you wanted?" The acid in his voice was dripping off and it burned right into me. I started to cry immediately, wondering how I could have messed everything up in only 24 hours. His anger melted immediately, I could see his face soften. I quickly wiped away my tears. "It's nothing, don't worry about it. I'm fine, you don't have to worry about it." I started to walk away but he grabbed my arm to stop me. "Bella I don't know what went on with you and Jacob but I can tell it wasn't good. Do you want to talk about it? I mean, I can be there for you….as a friend…if you need me. I don't, I can't, Bella I can't see you like this." He wrapped me up in a hug. It all felt so natural to be back into his arms.

As school ended, Edward and I walked outside together. He had his arm around me and I felt as if my heart couldn't take anymore breaking. I could feel how hard it was for him to be this close to me and not be with me. I felt bad taking his offer but I really needed someone to talk to and I didn't want to be alone. He walked me to my truck and opened the door for me.

"Bella, I don't want to pressure you or make you choose but I do still care about you and don't like seeing you like this. You were a walking zombie today. What happened?" "Edward it's a long story, I can't explain all of it right now. I'm really tired and want to get home. Maybe we could talk tomorrow, at lunch?" "I'd like that Bells. I just want to help." He pulled me into a hug and then headed back to his car. As he turned I saw someone take off the in the opposite direction, someone with very tan skin and black hair.

"Jacob? JACOB!" I ran across the parking lot knowing well enough if he didn't want me to catch him I wouldn't. He stopped moving and turned with his most familiar mask of agony and hatred, created by me of course. "Gosh and here I actually believed you Bella. How could I be so dumb? So what happened, I said no so you decided to crawl back to him. At least someone will take you. You are a piece of work you know that." I backed away from him, Jacob could be mean but he was never like this before. "Jacob, stop it's not like that we were just-" "You know what _Isabella_ I could care less what you were "just" doing with him. All I have to say is mission accomplished, you found one piece of me that was left over after your last rejection and you killed that too. I hope you are satisfied with yourself. This was one sick joke Bella."

I couldn't stop the rush of tears running down my face. Everyone was staring at us but I didn't care. All I cared about was the boy standing in front of me and how much I wanted to touch him and take away his pain, the pain I created. "Jacob I love-" "STOP! You stop right there. I don't want to hear those words out of your mouth. Haven't you done enough? Haven't you broken and tortured me enough or do you get pleasure from seeing me suffer?" "Jacob, no I really…I mean it was nothing…please." By this time everyone was out of the building watching our exchange. Edward came running and started yelling at Jacob. "Listen Black, it was nothing I saw she was upset and I was asking if she was ok." "Oh well aren't you sweet. I am so glad you were just comforting her. Did she tell you the same thing she told me? That she loved you and wanted to be with you?" Edward's surprise must have given him away; he didn't know I felt that strongly about Jacob. "Oh so she didn't tell you, she visited me the other night and let those three little words slip. It must be nice for her to use them at her convenience whenever she feels lonely or left behind." "All right that's enough. Bella was only trying to make things right. She loves you Jacob Black and I hope you don't make the same mistake I did and let her go. If she is willing to give you her love then you better take it and never let it go or one day it won't be yours anymore and you'll be looking back wondering how you could have lost such an amazing thing."

"Be still my heart. The vampire was dumped. Well maybe you can beg her forgiveness again because I don't want anything that comes from Bella Swan ever again."

Jacob took off into the woods and I crumpled into a heap on the ground.

* * *

Sorry I've been slacking on the updating. I'm finishing up student teaching and graduating this weekend, I will try to be more diligent. Also I have to wait for the chapters to come to me, I don't want to submit something in a rush. It's bad now but I promise, happiness in the future....we just need a LOT more grovelling and it'll come:) Hope this chapter was good, the beginning was a little slow.


	7. Piece by Piece

Here is another chapter, it is a little slow but I know exactly where I want to go with this story so bear with me. I am going to submit a few chapters tonight to try to get us into some action.

* * *

Edward picked me up off the ground and I felt myself being carried to my truck but I wasn't connected with the world. All of my senses were shut off; I couldn't even feel my limbs. I felt Edward set me on the seat and buckle me in. I felt like someone else was there but I couldn't even turn my head. The truck rumbled to life but it sounded miles away. Before I knew it, I was being picked up again and carried into my house. I gathered enough strength to turn my head to check for Charlie's cruiser and when I saw it wasn't there I let myself slip into the blackness.

When I woke up it was dark outside and I was in my bed. All the day's events came crashing down on me and I immediately began to cry. I don't know how I had any tears left but somehow they kept coming. I felt a cool hand brush the tears away from my face and I groggily turned my head toward him. Without a thought I curled into his chest and let it all out. He held me until the tears stopped flowing. I calmed down and pulled away from him.

"Would you like me to leave? I didn't know if I should leave you alone. I can leave now though if it will make it better." He looked so broken, a mirror image of when he left me. Yet when he left me I didn't have to see him and not be with him. "I don't want to ask you to stay, that wouldn't be fair for you. I should be alright on my own." Edward looked into my eyes and wrapped me up in his arms again. "Bella Swan, always thinking of others and trying to be strong. I will stay here as long as you need me." I hugged him tighter but knew I needed to let him go. "No Edward, I will be alright. Thank you though it means a lot. Do we still have a lunch date tomorrow?" "Yes, I will be there. Bye Bella." He swiftly jumped out of my window and disappeared into the night.

I stumbled into the bathroom and stood under the hot searing water for over half an hour. When the water began to run cold I headed back to my room to change. Edward was sitting in my chair with his head in his hands. I walked over to him, "Edward? Why are you back?" "Where did I go wrong Bella? I lost you, I gave you up. I walked away from you not knowing what I was losing or leaving behind. I am not here to guilt you back into being with me again I promise. I would never force your heart to accept something it doesn't want any longer. I am here to say I am sorry. Watching you crumble today tore my already broken heart into pieces. I realize now what I must have put you through when I left and to see you go through that again, I wanted to take away your pain. Tell me one thing Bella, do you forgive me? I know it is too much to ask but I need you to forgive me."

I walked over and placed my hands on both sides of his head and lifted it to look into his eyes. "Edward, I do forgive you. I know you left because you thought it was best for me. I was broken but looking back now I realize why you did it. If our roles were reversed I would have done the same thing. I need you to know that my heart still wants you, that was never the case. My heart is split in two now, after you left, and Jacob has the larger piece. He showed me life without sacrifices. I know you never asked me to sacrifice, that it was always my choice, but I could never see the sacrifice when I was blinded by my love for you. Jacob showed me that. He showed me how easy it was without the danger or changes. I'm not saying this right but I realized he was where my life path was supposed to go. He is my natural path and I need to follow that."

Edward looked into my eyes and knew I was still in love with him and truthfully I was meant to be with Jacob. He pulled me into his arms and we sat like that for a long time. Eventually I pulled away and kissed Edward's forehead. "I wish I could become two people. One for you and one for Jacob. I love you both so much and hate seeing either of you in pain and now I put both of you in pain." "Bella I wouldn't want two of you. You are one of a kind and you shouldn't be split into two. Jacob will come around and he will see what he is being offered and he better take you back or he is dumber than I was. I will be there as a friend to help you through this. If you want me."

"I would like that very much as long as it isn't too painful for you. I don't want to rub in your face that we're not together anymore." "Bella, anytime with you is more of a gift that I deserve. I am going to head home but I will see you tomorrow. Have a good night." He kissed my forehead and leapt from my window. I fell asleep exhausted from the day.


	8. Determination

**Edward's POV**

Edward landed on the ground and was immediately hit and dragged into the woods. He could feel the heat radiating off the werewolf as he tried to free his leg from the jaws. Edward kicked with his other leg and jumped free of that powerful vice grip. He landed on his feet and turned to face the dog. The werewolf was snarling and snapping at him.

Edward checked that Bella had not heard the confrontation and his glance up at her window made the wolf snarl even louder. He turned back just as the wolf was lunging again at him. The jaws missed his face by mere millimeters. Edward grabbed the wolf and threw him over his shoulder. He took off running toward his treaty land, trying to cross the line before the wolf regained composure. He hadn't made it far before he heard the paws digging into the ground right on his heels.

Edward felt the claws tear down his back before he could turn around. Searing pain ripped through his body but he continued to run knowing he was close to crossing the line. He flung himself across the small stream that bordered Cullen land and Quileute land. After he crossed the line he turned to face his attacker. Standing just on the other side of the stream was a tall russet skinned angry faced boy.

"Nothing going on huh Cullen? Doesn't look like it when you're leaving her room at 1 in the morning." Jacob sneered over the stream. "Jacob why are you doing this? Bella was catatonic after your little show in the parking lot. Why don't you give her a break and just talk with her? She loves you so much I can barely stand it. I was up there making sure she was alright after you were so terrible."

"Sounds like you got a great view of what Bella was like after you left her leech. Isn't too much fun is it, seeing her broken like that. Now you can be the one to put her back together but know you aren't the one she wants. It doesn't feel good putting all that time in but having her be blind to you. Let me know how that goes."

"If you truly loved her Jacob you wouldn't be putting her through this. If you've seen her this way before why would you want to put her through that again?" I was getting really pissed at this immature dog. How could he be so nonchalant about Bella being in so much pain. Although I had done the same thing to her, every minute I was away I was broken about having put her through this. I listened to his thoughts and found the answer.

"I see. It all makes sense now, you're afraid of her. You're afraid if you let her in she may leave you and you wouldn't be able to survive that. What if once she was with you she realized you weren't worth the effort and she left you? What if she came running back to me after finding you weren't meant for her?" I could tell I was pissing him off but I realized that if he didn't accept this and get over it he would never forgive Bella. Jake snarled at me and almost crossed the line.

"Get out of my head filthy bloodsucker. You don't know anything about me or Bella. We almost had something you know. We were so close but then you had to call and pull her to Italy. She had almost moved on but you pulled her back into your dark world. Why can't you just let her go? Leave her alone and let her be human!" Jacob was screaming at me now, leaning so far over the line I didn't know how he wasn't falling over. This anger was good, I just had to get him to realize she wanted him.

"Maybe I did break in at a bad time and ruin some almost guilty kiss she may have allowed you to have. At least when I found out she was alive and loved me, I didn't turn her down. If Bella walked up to me right now and told me she loved me and wanted to be with me I wouldn't take a second to think about it. I would wrap her up in my arms and make her mine. I messed up and left her, I realize I ruined all of my chances with her and left her heart open to find you. But to hell if I'm going to stand around and let you take that chance and stomp it into the ground. I will take her back if you don't."

Jacob was shaking so badly I realized maybe I should take it easy. I had to push him to realize she wanted him just as bad as he wanted her. "Like you could force Bella to do anything if she didn't want to. You don't know anything about her." "I know more than you think. I know what makes her happy, I know what gets her crazy. I know her inside and out." That set him off. Jacob launched himself over the line, not caring that he was breaking the treaty. This leech needed to die.

Edward knew this was coming and he jumped out of the way and sped off toward home. He needed backup if he was going to hold Jacob off. Jacob was too quick, he grabbed Edward and clawed him across the face. He jumped on top of Edward and began tearing at his face. Just when Edward thought he pushed Jacob too far, he was thrown off the top of him. Emmett appeared in Edward's line of sight. "Need some help bro?" Jasper was holding Jacob off and beating him pretty badly.

"Jasper, don't kill him. Just knock him out so we can get out of here." Jasper looked at Edward to make sure he heard him right and then landed a punch to Jacob's head. Jacob's mind instantly disappeared from Edward's mind. Emmett, Jasper and Edward headed back home. When they arrived the rest of the family was waiting on the porch. Carlisle looked extremely angry.

"Edward what were you thinking? You shouldn't provoke a young werewolf like that. Jacob didn't deserve those words or actions. What you were thinking?" "Sorry, I read his mind and saw he is only holding out on Bella because he is afraid she is going to leave him. I was trying to get him to see she loved him, not me." "I'm not sure how your method was the appropriate one. Maybe you should leave Bella and Jacob alone for a while." "I've got it figured out, please just leave me be."

I headed up to my room only to be followed by the only person who could have told Carlisle what I had been up to. "What Alice? I just want to be left alone." "Edward you're a fool. I saw everything you did tonight and when you disappeared I panicked. I couldn't find you and I knew there was only one way you could disappear from my sight. I sent Emmett and Jasper as soon as I could but I had no idea where. It sounds like they found you just in time. Don't ever do that again. I know you want Bella back and if you can't have her you want her to be happy but you can't meddle. Let them find each other on their own time."

Alice was right I needed to stop forcing them. "Alice, I….I'm so lost. How did I lose her? What did I do wrong?" Edward broke down. Alice danced to his side and wrapped him up in her arms. "I don't know Edward, your futures were always intertwined. I never saw it coming. Bella decided so quickly it makes me wonder what made her decide. Now I can't really see her. She comes in and out of view but it is really up to Jacob now. Why don't you take a vacation, head up to Alaska for a little while? It might help."

"I made plans with Bella tomorrow at lunch. I can't leave her now, she's broken. Just as she was when I left I assume." 'Do you think that's a good idea? I mean, won't that make it worse if Jacob shows up?" "I don't think he'll be showing up anytime soon." "Well any case we need to find a story for your face, it's pretty mangled and it will still be noticeable tomorrow." "I'm not lying to Bella, I'll tell her the truth. I need to be honest with her about everything now."

Edward waited until Alice left and he ran back into the woods to make sure Jacob was all right. The spot they had left him was empty. He checked that Bella was still sleeping and then headed back home. He could feel himself already counting the hours until he saw her again tomorrow. Oh boy, he thought, this isn't good. Bring on the self torment.


	9. Will Power

**Bella's POV**

Waking from a terrible night's sleep, Bella jumped in the shower and got ready for school. She stumbled out of the house and into her truck. As she drove to school she swore she saw a brown wolf following her but when she stopped her truck she only saw leaves and bushes. She continued her drive and finally pulled into the school parking lot. She saw Edward get out of his car and walk straight into school not even acknowledging her. She continued to walk into school as well and headed straight for the only classroom without windows in school. Edward was waiting for her there just as they had planned last night.

"He was definitely following me to school today. I know he was trying to see if you and I talked. How long is this going to go on?" Edward's back was to Bella's the whole time. "Edward can you see into his head, why is he being so stubborn? Edward?"

"Bella I have something to tell you but you have to promise not to freak out first." "What is it Edward? What's going on?" Bella had a quick flash back to the woods but knew it couldn't be anything like that again. Edward turned around and Bella immediately gasped and ran to him. Running down Edward's face were five huge gouges that looked like they were halfway between healing and being infected.

"Edward what happened? Did Jacob do this to you?" "I left your place last night and he was waiting for me or maybe was going to come see you. No matter, when I reached the ground he immediately attacked me and we got into a fight in the woods. I saw in his mind he's afraid that you are going to leave him if he gives this a chance. He's scared that you're going to realize I'm better and come back to me. I tried to push him past that thought but….I don't think he was ready."

"Edward your face looks terrible what's wrong with it?" "Werewolf claws can be deadly to us not only because they can tear us apart. They have residue poison on them and that got into my system. Luckily I only suffered minor scrapes so they will heal but I'm going to look a little rough for a few days. If anyone asks I got attacked by a mountain lion hiking and it got infected."

Bella couldn't believe what she was causing. "Maybe I should just leave," she mumbled. "NO! He will come around, I can feel it under the surface of fear. Bella you just have to give him time and a reason to come around. Don't push him but just slowly keep trying to get him to talk to you. I think if you keep pursuing him even with him ignoring you and me around available he will come around. You're hearts can't stay apart." He wrapped Bella up in his arms and breathed in her amazing smell. "We should get to class, I wouldn't put it past Jacob to be watching our first class since we have it together. See you at lunch." Edward kissed Bella's forehead and walked out of the back door to the room. Bella's head swam with emotions. On the one hand, she was still madly in love with Edward and knew it was dangerous being with him but she knew what her heart wanted. Jacob and she wanted him badly.

During the rest of the morning, Edward and Bella had no interactions. They didn't completely ignore each other but only had simple exchanges if they ran into each other. Lunch was the trickiest. Alice had to look into the future to see if it disappeared for any reason but when she didn't see a hint of werewolf Bella and Edward felt it was safe to eat together. Bella felt awkward at first, wondering how to have small talk with Edward. The minute they started it felt like the beginning of their relationship or at least how it should have been.

Bella realized that afternoon sitting in history maybe her and Edward were only meant to be friends. Maybe fate was trying to tell them over and over to stay apart romantically. It felt so easy and simple this afternoon, like maybe their whole relationship would have been this way if they hadn't taken it to the next step. She looked forward to their conversations not because she wanted to see Edward in the longing sense but because he made her feel happy. It wasn't until her drive home she realized Jacob and Edward switched roles in her life. Edward had become that friend that Bella loved having around and Jacob became the one she needed around but wasn't.

When she got home that day she tried calling but Billy wouldn't even talk to her. She just ended up yelling at him, "It's your son's fault. Tell him to stop being an idiot and just come talk to me." The conversation had ended in slamming of the phones on both ends and she realized that may not be the best approach. That night instead of doing homework she brainstormed ways to make Jacob listen to her. She thought of running these ideas past Edward but realized this had to be an Edward free decision. She thought of constantly showing up at his house but thought it might end violent. Maybe she could keep trying to call but she had no control over if Jacob answered or not and Billy was definitely not answering after tonight. She needed something else.

As she got ready for bed she thought of her time with Jacob, when their relationship grew stronger and moved past friendship. She realized there were so many things that made her love Jacob so truly that this is what he needed to hear. She would tell him everything she loved about him but not all at once. She would tell him one thing at a time and keep on telling him until he got the point. She wouldn't relate it to Edward, she would just keep it simple. She vowed she would make him realize the deep love she had for him. All she had to do was have stronger will power to make him love her than his will power to reject her. As she fell asleep she began generating a list….and it was a long one.

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I know it's moving slow but i promise it will pick up. I'm trying to develop some depth before I tear it all apart and then make it right:) Stick with me. I know exactly where this story is going now and I hope you will all enjoy it.


	10. Listing the Reasons

Before Bella went to school she made a phone call. It wasn't to her werewolf but to one she hoped she could trust. After three rings a nasty voice answered the phone, "What do you want leech lover?" Looks like Jacob had everyone on the lookout for her number at the reservation. "Hi Leah, could I talk to Seth? It's really important." 'Well seeing as his heart is intact I guess I can let you through so you can trample it. Go to Hell!" With that the other end of the line went dead. Well so much for that route, Bella would just have to find another route to Jacob. As she was walking out the door the phone rang. Thinking it wasn't coincidence she ran and grabbed it. "Meet me at the border." That was all she heard before the dial tone. She assumed Seth was keeping her out of his mind so when he phased Jacob wouldn't know.

Bella drove as fast as her truck would carry her to the border of the Rez and Forks. Seth was waiting propped against a log looking afraid and impatient. "What is it Bella I am risking my hide to speak to you." "I'm sorry Seth, I wouldn't drag you into this only I need you to get something to Jacob for me. I don't know any other way." "Alright just hand it over, I'm probably going to get my butt beaten for this one. He's pissed Bella. You really messed him up this time." "I know Seth and I'm trying to make things right. I want you to try as hard as you can to get him to read this before he tears it into pieces." She handed Seth a small folded piece of paper and then jumped in her truck. "I hope you aren't too badly hurt, just remind him of the messenger part of this deal. See you later, I owe you big time." Bella sped off to school not wanting to be late and make Edward worry.

Seth slowly made his way back to the reservation wondering how in the world he was going to make Jacob read this without unleashing havoc onto the world. As he was walking home, he ran into the exact person he didn't want to meet without a plan. "Hey Seth, where you coming from? Did Sam have you out on patrol without anyone else? What is that….it smells like…..Seth what is going on?" "Ok Jake just listen to me before anything happens. She just wants to make things right. She was driving by and asked me to give this to you. She was going to drop it in your mailbox but I thought it was safer if she didn't enter the reservation." Thank god Seth thought quick on his feet.

"What is it? Some sadly written love note, probably a joke from her vampire lover?" "I don't think so Jake, she was pretty serious about it." He handed it over to Jacob and scampered off before he could be hit. Jake crushed the paper in his hand and was going to throw it away but curiosity got the better of him. What could be so important that Bella would risk coming here. He slowly unfolded the paper to find a few words scratched in Bella's messy handwriting.

_**#1. Warm soda in the front seat of your rabbit.**_

That was all it said. He had no idea what it meant but when he tried to throw it away something pulled him past the garbage can. He shoved it in his dresser when he got home. He headed off to school with a memory pulling to the front of his mind.

Throughout the weeks two things were happening in Bella's life. 1: Her and Edward were becoming better friends. She realized again that this is what they were meant to be, great friends who knew each other's deepest secrets. Edward had replaced Jacob in the friend role; she could easily categorize him as her best friend. They spent all lunch periods together discussing everything under the sun. They studied together and grew closer but never in the way Edward yearned for, just like Jacob had. Bella remained in contact with Edward's family but couldn't spend much time around them out of sheer guilt over breaking up with Edward. They never showed that they were angry with her but she had once wanted to be a part of this family and now she only wanted to be included in their lives.

The second thing she realized was the numerous reasons she was in love with Jacob. She kept finding more and more as the weeks went on and more and more creative ways to tell him, with the help of Seth sometimes. One message she left for him was carved in a tree stump on one of his patrols. Seth told her where and when he would be hunting so Bella hiked into the woods and inscribed on the stump:

_**#2. My own personal sun**_

Other ways she told Jacob were by sending him letters, leaving notes on his motorcycle at various locations she knew he'd be. She also carried numerous around with her in case she ran into him. She tied a few in the trees around her house, knowing he was there at night. Some reasons included:

_**#14. The ease in which you bring a smile to my face.**_

_**#28. The woodsy smell of your skin.**_

_**#22. The brave face you put on at Prom just for a car part.**_

_**#33. The truck you built for me.**_

_**#58. The near kiss in the kitchen.**_

_**#7. The steady beat of your heart…and how it speeds up when you're around me.**_

_**#44. The way I fit into your arms.**_

_**#10. How safe I feel when you're around.**_

_**#11. How incomplete I feel when you're not.**_

These reasons continued for about 103 until Bella couldn't do it anymore. She still had so many reasons but after 103 she had no response. Edward eventually figured out what she was doing and could see the weight it left on her when night after night she got no response. Seth kept encouraging her saying Jacob seemed to be getting closer to talking to her but she never saw it herself. One random day about a week ago she had run into him downtown. She was walking around trying to think of another way to tell him and she ran straight into him. He looked stunned for a minute like his mind was wandering as well. When he saw who it was, he got a sparkle in his eye but then it vanished. He growled, pushed her away from him and ran off before she could say one word. That night she gave Seth a note that said _**#82. The light in your eyes when you look at me.**_ But it had done nothing.

All of these reasons and he couldn't give her a minute of his time, she felt like giving up. Edward was there rooting her on, telling her that she just needed to keep pushing. He had to give in soon. She told him she couldn't do it.

One night while they were studying in her living room Edward was trying to help her find new ways to tell Jacob. "I don't feel comfortable with you helping. I feel like this has to be a me and Jacob thing. I love your help really but not on this." Edward could tell that it was really weighing her down. 'Maybe you have to give him some time. He may be overwhelmed. Give him some time to think of his own reasons and he will come around." In an instant Bella was crying. Edward thought over what he had said. "Bella what is wrong? What did I say?"

"It isn't you Edward, this has been clouding my mind for a while. What is he has no reasons? What if that's why he isn't responding because he lost his love for me?" She sobbed and sobbed. Edward wrapped her in his arms and held her tight. 'There is no way that is possible Bella Swan. No one can lose their love for you once they've felt it." "Well what is it then? I have been giving reason upon reason and he doesn't even care. I could go on forever but what's the point? All I'll get is the cold shoulder and more time without him. This has been going on for two months Edward. I can't do it anymore. Maybe I should just move on and forget about him." This made Edward's heart leap for a second but knew he was being selfish. "No! He will come around, I know it. I read it in his mind Bella. He loves you just as much as he did before I came back. He's just hurt, bad. Maybe it would be easier if I wasn't around. if I left..." "No. This is your home and he can't force you to leave. I won't have him pushing you out of a place you love just so he will talk to me again." Edward quietly said, 'Anywhere you are is a place I love." Bella could tell he was just as tormented as her but for different reasons. "If it would be easier for you to not hang out with me, we don't have to see each other." "No Bella, I am fine I shouldn't have said that. I love being your friend." Bella burst into tears again. Here was Edward who had loved Bella with all his heart, still did, and he was willing to be her friend no matter how painful it was for him. Yet Jacob couldn't even take a chance on her when she knew he felt the same as she did. Maybe she was wasting her time. Tears continued to flow and as they sat together Bella became desperate with her thoughts. She couldn't stand not being with Jacob any longer and being this close to Edward, it was stirring up dormant feelings she had sent away a long time ago. Curled up in his arms left her thinking maybe she was kidding herself. Maybe they were meant to be together...

She looked up at him with tears running down her face and couldn't help herself. She leaned up and…..kissed him.

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I know technically Seth and Leah didn't turn into wolves until Eclipse and that part of the story isn't really happening in here but I had them become werewolves because 1 I needed an inside wolf haha and 2 I like them being werewolves.


	11. Confrontation

This story is going to be from Edward and Bella's POV. Edward's point of view will be bolded. Bella's will be normal.

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Bella was screaming at herself in her head but couldn't stop what she was doing. 'Oh my god, what is happening? Bella what are you doing?' Edward felt so good in her arms. She expected him to pull away and stop the kiss like he always did but he just wrapped her up tighter in his arms and deepened the kiss.

**Edward had no idea what he was doing but he knew that he couldn't stop. He should stop Bella, but these past months left a lot of pent up feelings and he loved Bella so much.**

**Edward pulled Bella closer to him and deepened the kiss. He poured his heart and soul into that kiss, knowing whenever it ended this would be the last time he held her in his arms.**

Bella could feel all of Edward's emotions washing over her. She could feel everything she had put him through since they got back from Italy. She answered his pain with her own. She knew that in some world they were soul mates. She knew that her decision to stay with Jacob would leave Edward alone but she couldn't be without Jacob.

**Edward felt Bella's pain and cursed that stupid werewolf for not seeing what Bella was offering him. Edward finally felt all of the pain and sadness from these past months leave him. He slowly broke their kiss and gave Bella a few more pecks on the lips. He looked deep into her eyes and saw that she too seemed to have moved on.**

Bella felt Edward slow the kiss and pull away. He gave her a few more kisses and she felt her heart was whole again. She could feel her pain from leaving him melt away.

"Edward, what was that? What just happened?" Bella was still wrapped in his arms. She slowly pulled herself out of his limbs and moved to the chair. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to kiss you I don't know where that came from."

"**Bella, I think we both needed that. We were bottling up all those left over feelings. Our relationship was full of passion and took off so quickly, when you ended it so quickly there were a lot of left over emotions. I think we just let go of everything we had been holding onto. Bella, I think this is what closure feels like.**

Bella realized Edward was right, they had been ignoring each other and the passion they once shared, that they actually needed this. She also realized that she didn't feel the pull towards Edward like she used to. As with most things, this wasn't a cure all. She still had some feelings but they weren't overwhelming like they used to be. Now it was a gentle smoldering. She looked at Edward and realized it was the same for him.

"**Do you want to take a walk Bella? Let's get some fresh air." He grabbed Bella's hand and realize the spark was gone, he could now just see her as a friend. Bella walked outside with him just as the day was turning into night. It was beautiful outside, the weather was perfect and the stars were just emerging. This was one of those nights he would have spent with Bella in a different way months ago. Now he was just content to walk with her. They began to walk to road and discuss random events of their life.**

Bella couldn't believe how easy it was to walk with Edward. This is how they were meant to be, she could truly feel it now. They talked about everything under the sun and just enjoyed each other's company. As they turned the corner on Bella's street, something felt wrong. She felt like someone was watching her. She turned to Edward as he stopped walking, curious to what stopped him from telling his latest story from his early years as a vampire.

**Edward tensed and stopped walking. He stopped talking mid-story and looked ahead of them. He could feel her watching them, she had finally come for Bella. She had finally broken through the tight defensive line the werewolves had been holding for many months. She emerged from the woods, flaming hair blowing in the breeze. He could only imagine what they looked like to her, two lovers taking a walk. In his mind, he knew there was no way to convince her they were no longer together nor would she care.**

**Edward pulled Bella behind him as he heard Victoria's snarling mind. "Bella I'm going to need you to run when I tell you to. Please try not to trip. Get back to your house, get in my car and drive to La Push. I will try to keep her busy." As Edward was talking with Bella, Victoria started snarling at him. He knew he only had moments left. He turned hugged Bella, gave her a small peck on the lips and looked deep into her eyes.**

"**I will always love you Bella Swan. No matter whom you're with, you still have my heart. I know we are truly friends now but I will never forget our love. Please make it to your truck. Here are my keys, are you ready?" **"Yes." Bella managed to squeak out. If Edward was this worried, she knew she should be even more worried. All she had to do was run back to Edward's car, jump in and drive to La Push. She could do this. She squeezed Edward's hand. "Please don't die. Don't let her hurt you. I will send help." Bella was tensed and ready to run. Victoria was burning a hole into her skull with her deadly stare. She gave a little smile and lunged for Bella.

**Edward lunged in front of Victoria and their bodies collided sounding like an explosion. "Run Bella!" Edward punched, scratched and grappled with Victoria, trying to distract her enough for Bella to make it to his car. He could hear her frantic steps rushing back to his car. Victoria was trying everything to make it to Bella but Edward would give up his life just so she could make it to La Push. Breathing a small sigh of relief, he heard his car roar to life and tear down the road. This small breath gave Victoria a window, she smashed Edward's head against her knee and took off running. Edward's vision spun and he crumpled to the ground.**

**The last thing he saw was Victoria tearing down the road after Bella. "Please make it Bella." With that, he passed out.**

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**Sorry it took me so long to update. I was busy moving and we didn't get internet until this weekend and I was at a wedding. I have this chapter for you and will have another ready to go either today or tomorrow. Only a few chapters left, Jacob and Bella don't have much more time apart.**  
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	12. The Chase

Bella was driving as fast as the car could go with her still in control. She whipped around corners and prayed her dad wasn't heading home from work, she didn't have her mind detector Edward with her. Her mind switched back to Edward at that thought and hoped he was ok. Bella glanced in her rear view mirror and saw a flash of flames. Her stomach dropped, knowing the only way Victoria could get past Edward was….No! She couldn't think about that, not when her whole mind had to concentrate on driving.

Alice must have seen this coming, why didn't she warn them. Unless Victoria somehow waited until the last minute to make a decision; she was probably blocked out by the wolves chasing her. Hopefully Alice could see this now. Help for Edward should be on the way. Bella sped around another corner and could see La Push in front of her. All she had to do was get across that…BAM. The car flew off the road and into the forest. Bella could smell the blood pouring from her head where it had hit the windshield.

SCREECH! The top of the car was torn off and there standing over Bella was Victoria. "We meet at last human. I have been waiting too long for this, but I don't plan on making it short for you. You will suffer as I have this past year." Victoria yanked Bella out of the car and threw her down the road. Bella slammed into the asphalt hearing her arm break in two. She screamed out in pain and then began screaming the names of the werewolves.

"PAUL! JARED! SAM! CAN ANYONE HEAR ME! HELP SOMEONE! EMBRY! SETH! JACOB!" Bella wasn't sure if they could hear her but she could hear Victoria stalking up behind her. She began dragging herself toward the town unable to stand. Her legs didn't seem hurt but she couldn't bring herself to use them. A haze was beginning to seep into her mind. She continued to scream any name that came to mind. "BILLY! EMILY! HELP ME! SHE'S HERE, VICTORIA'S HERE! PLEASE SOMEONE-" Victoria kicked Bella in the stomach, knocking the wind out of her and braking ribs. Bella screamed again in agony. She kept dragging herself inch by inch toward La Push, thinking if only she could get in sight of someone they would warn the wolves.

Victoria picked Bella up and threw her against a tree. She heard her ankle snap and wasn't sure if she could take any more pain. The only thought she had was that her and Jacob never got to be together. She knew she was going to die here so close to him. She attempted to stand and run, every step on her broken ankle sending shockwaves of pain throughout her body. She was so close to Quil's mom's store. All she had to do was alert one person. "HELP! SOMEONE HELP ME! PLEASE SOMEONE, ANYONE! JACOB HELP!" Bella felt as though her whole body was fighting her, it was becoming sluggish but she pushed against the pain and exhaustion.

All of a sudden Victoria appeared in front of her, blocking her way into La Push. "No one can help you. By the time they get here, there will only be pieces left of you. I got more than I bargained for tonight. I was able to kill your lover and you." Bella wouldn't believe that Edward was dead; there was no way the world could exist without him. She continued to move towards the inner streets of La Push but Victoria grabbed her hair and threw her to the ground. "You're not going any further. I don't know how you know those wolves live here but they can't save you. I dragged them all the way to the state line. No one is here to save you." Victoria lifted Bella by her shirt, agonizing pain ripped through Bella's chest where her broken ribs were. "You're all mine." She threw Bella again into the trees and Bella's head slammed into a tree. Stars erupted across her vision and she knew these were her last moments alive. Her only hope was that Victoria would leave after this; that she wouldn't harm her father or the wolves.

She saw Victoria standing over her, lips held back in a half snarl half smile. "How a little weak human could cause me so much pain I will never know. Why Edward would want someone so breakable is crazy. Maybe I should change you and you can tear your family and friends apart, that would be entertaining but there would always be a chance you would join them and come after me. No I think I'll just kill you now."

Victoria bent over Bella and grabbed her head in her hands. "Goodbye human." Bella closed her eyes ready for death to take her but instead she heard a growl from behind her. She tried to turn her head but Victoria's hands were frozen in shock. "Wolf. How did you get here so fast? Did you hear her pathetic screams for help? One more step and she's history. I don't know why you would want to save vampire meat anyway." Jacob lunged through the air and just before he hit Victoria she slammed her fist into the side of Bella's head knocking her unconscious. Blackness filled her vision and the last thing she saw was a russet brown wolf attack fire.


	13. Beaten and Broken

This story is from Jacob's point of view. It is what Jacob was doing during the kissing scene with Edward and Bella and continues until he meets up with Bella and Victoria.

* * *

We were running as fast as we could, following her scent. She had somehow caused a diversion and slipped through our line. Jacob and Leah were leading the pack frothing at the mouth trying to catch up to Victoria. Her scent was everywhere, as if she had come and coated the area with her scent and then allowed the wolves to find her and lead them here to distract them. Every path smelled as fresh as the last but none stood out. _"How are we supposed to find her, she's coated the entire forest?'_ Leah wondered. _'I don't know but keep looking, she's too dangerous to allow near our village.'_ '_We all know that isn't where she's headed Jacob.'_ Embry thought, _'We all know she's after Bella.'_ No one had dared to think her name in the past weeks but I know they were all wondering why I was being such an idiot and not just forgiving Bella. '_That's Cullen territory, we can't cross that line.'_ '_Actually Jacob I received permission from Dr. Cullen that we could monitor anywhere in this area as long as we didn't harm any of their family. Can I trust you not to harm Edward if you see him with Bella? I don't want to give you a direct order but I will if it means protecting the Cullens. We are only hunting Victoria.'_ Sam knew me too well. I was the rightful leader of the pack but I refused to accept it. Sam was my Alpha but he still felt wrong about giving me orders.

'_I won't harm them you have my word. If I see anything I don't like I will just kill Victoria and then leave."_ We all came to a halt to regroup and develop a battle plan.

'_Alright, Leah, Embry, Quil, and Jacob you sweep through Forks and pass by Bella's house. We all know Victoria is on a mission to hurt Bella. The rest of us will sweep back to La Push and see if she headed that way. Let us know if you see or smell anything. Go!"_

The wolves split up and Jacob was in the front of his part of the pack. They raced toward Forks but couldn't smell anything of the vampire in the town. Once they neared Bella's house they could smell the red-head's trail down the road past Bella's house. Jacob sped up and found Victoria's smell on the road by Bella's house but not close to it. Just as he was going to turn back to La Push, Leah called out to him.

'_Edward's here in the road, he looks like he's been knocked unconscious. Can vampires be unconscious?'_ Jacob raced toward the other wolves. He saw that bloodsucker lying on the road, clearly unconscious. Jacob gave him a kick and all the wolves started yelping trying to wake him. Edward was not responding until finally Jacob bit him on the shoulder lightly. Edward's eyes snapped open. "What are you doing here? I sent Bella to La Push, Victoria's after her. She is driving my car. Please you have to get there in time, my family will be here soon to get me. Alice has already seen me lying here."

Most of what Edward said I only heard through the others' thoughts. I took off the minute he said Victoria was after Bella. I couldn't push myself fast enough, my limbs were on fire but I had to get to Bella before that vampire killed here. I knew I didn't have much time. Sam would have swept the beach first and ended at the boundary line but that is where Bella was right now. He pushed himself even more and felt as though he was going to fall over from the pain shooting through his limbs but he continued to run.

As Jacob got closer to La Push, he heard screaming. "HELP! SOMEONE HELP ME! PLEASE SOMEONE, ANYONE! JACOB HELP!" He started running even faster. He could smell Bella's blood. '_Sam, everyone, get over to the boundary line. Bella's in trouble, Victoria's here! Now! As fast as you can I don't know if I'll make it in time.'_ _'We're coming Jacob, we could hear her yelling too!' _The other wolves from Jacob's pack were trailing behind him, Leah the only one getting close but she still couldn't keep up with him at this point.

Jacob heard a tree break into pieces and a whimper escape Bella's lips. He needed to get there. As the area came into view, he saw Victoria standing over Bella with her head in her hands. She looked so ferocious and muttered, "Goodbye human." Jacob let loose a snarl and Victoria looked up. Disbelief crossed her face as Jacob saw Bella, broken in pieces lying under Victoria. She tried to turn her head but Victoria's hands were frozen in shock, holding Bella's head in place. "Wolf. How did you get here so fast? Did you hear her pathetic screams for help? One more step and she's history. I don't know why you would want to save vampire meat anyway."

Jacob lunged through the air and saw Victoria strike Bella in the head before he slammed into her and began tearing at her with his teeth. Bella's head lolled to the side but Jacob couldn't concentrate on that right now. Victoria didn't have a chance to react to him so he tore pieces of her away as fast as he could, knowing he only had a few moments before she regained her composure. She bucked him off and spun into a crouch in front of Bella. Jacob felt his brothers and Leah surround Victoria blocking her from Bella. He also saw the Cullens come in view, Edward slowly approaching Bella behind Victoria.

"It's over Victoria," Dr. Cullen said, "Surrender now." "Never! You took away my mate. You'll have to kill me." "So be it," the big vampire said. All the wolves and vampires lunged and tore Victoria apart. It was over in a matter of seconds. The pieces were quickly piled together and lit on fire. Jacob realized Edward was not with the onlookers and saw him holding a limp Bella. Jacob ran over to them and saw Bella was badly broken. Edward looked at him with sad eyes, "She was trying to get to you. It was always you Jacob. Her heart is still beating but she needs a hospital now." Jacob ran to her side, smelled her body and knew there was blood pooling everywhere inside of Bella. He looked up at the sky and howled, the howl slowly turned into a scream of pain as Jacob phased out of his wolf form. He pulled on his sweat pants and took Bella from Edward's arms. He was still screaming her name and crying as Carlisle directed him towards his car.

During the drive to the hospital, Jacob was whispering in Bella's ear, "Honey please stay with me. I was so stupid to waste my time with you. You can't leave me now; we have to be together. I love you Bella Swan, I love you." They pulled into the hospital parking lot and Jake carried Bella into a room and placed her on the bed still muttering in her ear those three words he refused to say for so long. He was overcome with grief and collapsed into a pile on the floor. It felt like forever waiting for Bella as Dr. Cullen operated on her.

At some point, Charlie arrived at the hospital. "Jacob what happened? I got a call from Alice saying Bella was in a horrific car accident and I needed to get to the hospital right away."

"Charlie," Edward started, "Bella and I were studying at home and she was over come with grief over not seeing Jacob. I tried to talk some sense into her but she ran from the house. I didn't know she had taken my car keys but she sped away with my car. She lost control and smashed into the woods. She was thrown from the car and we brought her here. Carlisle is with her right now." Charlie collapsed into a chair next to Jacob. What seemed like years passed by and finally Carlisle emerged from the operating room.

"Charlie, Bella is stable right now. She sustained major injuries. She has four broken ribs, a broken arm, and broken ankle. She also had pretty severe head damage. She is resting in her room right now. I can allow you to go see her."

"Carlisle is she awake?" "I'm afraid not. She is in a coma. As of right now she is stable but the longer she's in a coma the less of a chance it will be that she wakes up."

Jacob crumpled to the floor, knowing it was his fault Bella was in this coma. Charlie dragged him into the room with him. Bella was almost unrecognizable. She had tubes and wires coming from everywhere on her body. Her arm and leg were in a cast as well as her chest protectively wrapped. Her face was terribly bruised but she looked like she was at peace.

"Bella honey, please wake up and come back to me. I love you and can't lose you. I don't think I can take care of myself. Please come back to me." Charlie was in tears as he gave Jacob a moment alone with Bella.

Jacob couldn't muster any words; his heart was broken seeing her like this. He vowed to himself that if Bella ever woke up he would let her know just how much he meant to her. With that he tore out of the hospital and into the forest. A shred of black flew into the air as he ran away.


	14. Finally

It was about two weeks after the accident and Bella still wasn't awake. Jacob visited her everyday and on each day he left behind a note or token just as Bella had that would let her know how much he loved her. He left these behind in case she woke up in the few minutes he left her side.

Covering the room were pieces of their time they had together. Jacob brought in the box of candy hearts he had given Bella, with a note saying, "You promised me a life of servitude," pictures of them together, and a picture of the carving Bella did in the tree for him. He also coated the ceiling with reasons why he loved Bella, as she had for him. Some were the same, as the ones she left for him, letting her know he loved those moments as well. He put them on the ceiling so when Bella woke up it would be the first thing she saw.

**#1: Your smile.**

**#2: The way your hair smells.**

**#3: How you fought for me everyday.**

**#4: Sitting in my rabbit drinking warm soda.**

**#5: The beat of your heart**

**#6: How you let me tell you to break up with Edward at Prom just to help me get my car part.**

**#7: The way you fit into my arms.**

…**.**

**#54: I thought about you everyday these past months we were apart.**

**#65: How incomplete I've felt these past few weeks.**

**#72: The near kiss in the kitchen.**

**And lastly:**

**#82: How you continued to fight for me even after all those things I said to you.**

**#83: I love you.**

Jacob was fast asleep one day in the hospital, holding Bella's hand when he felt it move. His head jerked up and he instantly was awake. "Bella? Are you there? Can you hear me?" He squeezed her hand and he felt a faint squeeze back. He saw her eyes moving under their lids. Jacob pushed the call sign to signal to Carlisle that Bella was waking.

Carlisle came rushing into the room and began checking the machines and monitors. 'Jacob it appears Bella may be coming back to us. I need to go call Charlie and my family so they can come down. Please stay with her and push the call sign if anything changes." "Carlisle. Let Edward know to come down too." Carlisle smiled and ran off to his office. Ever since Bella had been in the coma, Edward disappeared. He said he didn't want to interfere any longer with Jacob and Bella and Jacob was all too pleased at first. He knew now that Bella would want to see him and in his heart he knew that was ok. Bella and Edward should be friends, just as he and Bell were, He couldn't deny the guy that much. He would want the same in return, any moments with her were better than none.

Bella continued to stir, he could see her breathing on her own and starting to move around. "Bella, honey, can you hear me?" Her voice was just a raspy whisper but it was there, "Jacob? Is that you?" "Yes Bella I'm here, please come back to me." He could see Bella struggling to open her eyes. He leaned in and kissed her on her lips, he had done this so many times before while she was out but this time she responded, it was weak but she was finally there. "Jacob, how bad is it?" "Honey you've been out for two weeks. It's bad but you're healing quickly. Please open your eyes, I can't bear another minute without them."

He saw her eyelids pull open and staring back at him were those chocolate brown eyes he loved so much. "Jacob." He kissed her again and then moved back slightly to give her room to breathe. She gasped when she saw her room covered in everything Jacob brought. He could see she was reading the notes he has hooked to the ceiling. A huge smile crossed her face and she reached for him, wincing in pain. "Bells don't move, you're pretty beat up. Only you would try to take on a vampire all by yourself." She laughed weakly, "I was trying to hold her off until you could get there, I almost had her. Where is everyone else?" 'Carlisle is calling them. They should be here soon. You're mom is flying in again." Bella sighed and squeezed Jacob's hand. "You don't know how long I've been waiting to feel that Bella. It has been a long two weeks."

Jacob sat in the chair next to her and waited for her family and friends to arrive. Charlie was the first one there and swept Bella up into a hug. "Bella, don't you ever do that again you hear? Just call him next time! I could have lost you." Bella had tears streaming down her face, "I won't Dad I promise. I didn't mean to worry you." The Cullens arrived and Jacob moved back to allow them all to give Bella a hug. "We were all worried about you Bella but of course Alice said she was sure you would wake up," Esme said. "I tried to convince Jacob to leave your side so I could see exactly when you were going to but it isn't easy moving him," Alice smiled. Edward was the last to enter the room; he seemed hesitant.

"Edward. You're here." Bella gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek. "I'm sorry for running out on you and stealing your car. Is it ok?" "I just got a new one, I could care less about my care Bella. Next time let me drive you over there. Not that there will be a next time." Edward smiled and began to leave the room. "I can't stay Bella but I will see you later. Give me a call once you're home."

Finding it hard to leave her, Jacob hesitantly pulled himself out of his chair. Bella's eyes were immediately on him, "Jacob where are you going?" "There's something I have to do Bella, I'll be right back." "Jacob, don't…" "Don't worry Bella we're kind of friends now, as much as we can be." I got up, gave Bella a kiss, and started after Edward. I gave her my "old" Jacob smile and headed out the door. I hated leaving her side but I needed to talk to the bloodsucker myself. "Edward, wait up. I need to talk to you."

"I'm sorry Jacob, I didn't mean anything by saying she should call me, just that I wanted to know she was ok. I won't intrude on you two any longer." "NO, that's why I need to talk to you. I've done a lot of thinking these past two weeks and I wanted to let you know I am perfectly ok with you two being friends and hanging out. I've waited too long for Bella to get her and then have her not be completely happy. Please keep in touch, just no more midnight visits." Edward smiled and reached out to shake my hand, I grabbed it and shuddered at the coldness of it but shook it back.

Bella left the hospital a few days later and was moving around in her wheelchair quite well. We spent every waking minute together and I couldn't have been more ecstatic that we were finally together. Once Bella was all healed up, we planned a dinner together. I headed over to her house and rang the doorbell. Bella opened the door and looked so amazing I couldn't breathe. She leapt into my arms and kissed me with such passion it almost knocked me off my feet. I pulled her into me and deepened the kiss. My heart jumped for joy knowing I finally had her; she was mine.


	15. Wrap Up

So this wraps up my story, sorry for the long wait at the end there, my life has gotten crazy!. I hope everyone enjoyed it as much as I did. I am already planning the sequel so keep your eyes peeled for that. I will add a chapter to this story with the name of the sequel. I am planning on bringing in the Volturi since that whole meeting did happen with my timeline. They still want Bella changed and obviously that isn't happening any longer so be ready for some more action. I don't know when I'll be able to start it, life in Chicago is picking up but I will try as soon as possible.


	16. Sequel Announcement

REALIZATIONS SEQUEL FINALLY!

It has been two years since I finished this story and I am finally coming around to writing a sequel. My life took off with moving to Chicago, getting married, and beginning my teaching career and I also had writer's block of where to go with this story. I knew I wanted to include the volturi so I finally have figured out what I want to do. I hope my old fans will come back and read what happens next in the lives of Bella and Jacob. I attached this to my old story so that if people had an update alert on it they would see I had a sequel to Realizations called "Forever Begins and Ends with You"

Enjoy!


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